the gaslit index is terminal
the economy is vibes-based
money is a collective hallucination
and i haven’t blinked since 2024

if you’re reading this
water your plants
text your crush
and maybe, just maybe
exit the simulation
(but do it slowly so the algorithm doesn’t notice)

yo so quick vibe check:
the vibes are gone
they left the chat
and the fed is gaslighting us like a tinder date who won’t Venmo for nachos

the economy is fine they say
meanwhile i’m buying ramen with pitycoin
and my landlord just emailed me a JPEG of a rent increase tagged as an NFT

THE MATH IS LYING

we used to have: jobs, checks, sanity

now we have: vibeflation, side hustles that are just selling parts of your identity, a crypto chatbot that tried to recruit me into a libertarian cult called YieldDaddy

the dollar?
dead.
ghosted.
it left us on “read” and joined a gym in the metaverse.

THE GASLIT INDEX (aka how we measure if your brain is soup)

Symptoms include:
believing the fed is your friend
thinking a 40-year mortgage is “adulting”
having strong opinions about eggs
crying in Trader Joe’s but like… aesthetically

current reading: EXTREME GAS
spicy, unsustainable, possibly supernatural

the last time it was this high, we declared war on a concept

TRUST? LOL. WHAT’S THAT?

everyone’s lying
and we’re just speedrunning collapse like it’s a Twitch challenge

CNN says it’s fine
Fox says it’s war
reddit says buy
X says sell
TikTok says manifest abundance
and my cat says kill the landlord

FIAT CURRENCY IS A FANDOM

you either stan the dollar
or you pivot to JesusCoin, SoilCred, DaddyDAO,
or my personal fav: Trauma-backed stable tokens (TBSTs™)

people are buying groceries with guilt and memes
we’ve gone full Mad Max but it’s sponsored by HelloFresh

WE’RE NOT ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. WE’RE IN DIFFERENT SIMULATIONS.

my senator is tweeting NFTs of empathy
my teacher is on OnlyFans teaching econ with puppets
my mom bartered a pie for insulin

meanwhile some guy named Chad has 4 investment properties
and just launched a DAO for selling “unrealized community potential”
aka vibes with a wallet address

SOLUTIONS (BUT NOT REALLY)

i asked ChatGPT what to do
it told me to “build community” and “diversify my income”
then it tried to sell me a course called “Late Capitalism for Early Teens”

so now I:
trade lunchables for firewood
store trust in people, not platforms
pay rent in emotional labor and obscure facts about moss

TL;DR:

the gaslit index is terminal
the economy is vibes-based
money is a collective hallucination
and i haven’t blinked since 2024

if you’re reading this
water your plants
text your crush
and maybe, just maybe
exit the simulation
(but do it slowly so the algorithm doesn’t notice)